Don't go
by Chiyala
Summary: In which Gray is hiding a dark secret and Natsu is understanding - until he isn't anymore.


**Written for Gratsu Week 2016, Day 5: Lies. Enjoy!**

* * *

Natsu had been half-asleep when he heard the creak of their door. In the next second, he was wide awake. Gray was late. Very late. Natsu jumped out of bed and was in the corridor in the matter of a few seconds. His eyes needed a bit to adjust to the brightness, but when he was able to see Gray, his heart sank. He looked like a picture of misery. The small smile he forced on his features upon seeing Natsu didn't calm him in the slightest. He strode over to his boyfriend and put a hand on his cheek.

"Hey, what's wrong? You look awful."

Gray's fake smile grew a bit wider, and he shook his head. "No, everything's alright. I just had a bad day, is all."

Natsu didn't believe him. Gray had always been a bad liar. But he'd also learned that pressuring him into telling the truth never did any good. He'd eventually tell Natsu when he was ready. So, instead of throwing a ruckus, Natsu leaned in for a quick peck on Gray's lips, and then retreated to the bedroom, waiting for Gray to get ready for bed.

When his boyfriend crawled into bed five minutes later, Natsu cuddled up with him. No matter how sad Gray was, a good cuddle with Natsu always managed to cheer him up at least a little bit. Not this time, though. Gray was as stiff as a rock. He didn't relax under Natsu's touch even in the slightest. If anything, Natsu had the impression that he was trying to bring more space between them. Which was troublesome, but Natsu wasn't going to push Gray's boundaries. So he backed off, skidding into his side of the bed again.

"Good night, Gray."

There was no reply. He briefly considered adding 'I love you', but he dismissed the idea as soon as it had popped up in his mind. The silence was maddening, but there was no helping it. Natsu hoped that, whatever the issue might be, it was just a phase.

* * *

It wasn't a phase. Gray had been behaving oddly for over four weeks now. They hadn't had sex or anything related to it since that first night when he'd come home late. Natsu was really trying to be patient and giving Gray all the freedom he needed, but it was eating at his nerves. He'd always smell a strangely sweet perfume on Gray after he'd been away for hours without explanation. He came back late in the night on a regular basis now. Natsu didn't even consider the possibility of Gray cheating with some girl and always feeling like shit afterward, because he trusted him. Gray would never do that to him.

Still, the lack of knowledge of what was going on was slowly killing him inside. As did the fact that Gray didn't want to entrust him with whatever issue there was. Natsu was supposed to be the one he could always lean on. Even if he was sometimes childish or ridiculously ignorant to some things, Gray knew he'd never let him down.

They needed to talk about this, to sort things out. The last thing Natsu wanted was for them to silently break apart.

So when Gray slipped into bed this night, Natsu propped up on his elbow, and said carefully, "Gray... I love you. You know that, right?"

He was met with cold silence. After a while, Natsu wanted to add something, maybe beg Gray to talk with him, but then he heard his boyfriend release a shuddering breath. "Yeah... I know."

He tentatively continued, "And you know that you can talk to me about everything, yeah?"

"I know, Natsu..." A heavy sigh. "I just... I don't know, lately I feel stressed... The missions we're taking aren't... well, no, that's not the problem. I think it's just in my head. Maybe I got a depression or something."

Gray was lying again. What was bothering him that he couldn't share?

"Natsu... I love you, too. I know I'm behaving like a total dick these days, but please believe me... I do love you. I don't want to lose you." Gray's voice was barely a whisper.

Natsu believed him, and when they had sex that night, it was full of love and passion, just like their first time five years ago had been.

* * *

Things were looking up after their shared night of passion, Natsu thought at first, but Gray was still being awkward. Sometimes he would come to Natsu all happy, kiss him senseless and say the sweetest things to him, and the next day, or even just an hour later, he'd shut himself off completely, being all depressed and gloomy.

Natsu couldn't go on like this any longer. The emotional rollercoaster was driving him crazy. He really didn't want to pressure Gray into entrusting him with something he wasn't comfortable sharing, but neither could Gray expect him to go on like this forever. He needed to know. It was either that, or their relationship would be over soon, as much as it broke Natsu's heart. Better to have a painful ending than pain without end. And if Grad didn't trust him any longer, what use was it anyway? Natsu wasn't just somebody he could relief his sexual tension with and then ignore again. He was supposed to be the one he could trust the most, the one he could lean on in difficult times, his shoulder to cry on, and the one who'd help him stand up again.

So when Gray came back home this night, Natsu was prepared and waiting for him, sitting on the bed with the lights on. Gray paused in their bedroom door, looking a bit taken aback, but he quickly caught himself.

"You want to talk, huh?" he said with a sad voice.

Natsu nodded and patted the mattress beside him. Gray sighed in defeat, and complied.

"Gray... I don't know what's going on lately... Whatever it is you're going through, I'd like to know. I'd like to support you, help you stand, be there for you... I can't do any of these things if you don't tell me what's going on."

Gray looked at him with a pained expression, worrying his bottom lip. He looked like he really regretted his behavior. However, he wasn't responding.

"I don't want to be left out any longer. If you don't trust me enough to tell me what's going on-" Natsu gulped- "then... I don't think we should continue this relationship any longer."

Gray let out a pained whine at that. He looked like he was about to burst into tears. Natsu had his arms wrapped around him in no time at all, pulling his head in to rest in the crook of his neck.

"If you just tell me... I'm sure that whatever it is, we can make it through together..."

Gray replied with a resigned and sad voice, "No. We can't - it's impossible, we can't make it through _together_."

"How can you say that when you haven't even tried yet?" Natsu's head was spinning. He didn't know whether he should be angry or sad or supportive or what, but right now it looked like anger had the upper hand. "You can't just decide that we'll break up anyway!" Only that he could. If Gray wanted to break up with Natsu no matter what, then Natsu didn't have a say in that matter. But seeing Gray's reaction when he'd mentioned breaking up, it was unlikely that Gray really _wanted to_ break up with him.

"I'm not talking about _breaking up_. I... I'll..." Gray's voice was shaky, and a bad premonition overcame Natsu. Suddenly he wasn't so sure anymore if he really wanted to know.

His fears were confirmed when Gray caught himself, and stammered, "I'm going t- to... die."

Natsu felt like his heart was being ripped out. This couldn't be true. "No... What happened? Are you ill? Since when did you know? Didn't you try to search for possible solutions?"

"I- I've known for two months... I've got some... kind of cancer... A special form that's unique to mages... They can't be healed by any magic, they can only be removed by surgery and even then the possibility of it reappearing is about ninety-nine percent, so that it would merely serve to prolong my life a bit... Plus we discovered it too late. The tumors had already spread all over my abdomen. Even if we had found someone who'd been able to perform the surgery, I would have very likely bled out during it. I've seen Porlyusica and Wendy nearly every day the past two months. All they can do is ease my pain. I'm sorry, Natsu."

Natsu was trembling by now. How could life be so cruel? Trying to take his Gray away at the age of twenty-five? No fucking way. And Gray had already accepted his fate? That wasn't like him at all! "There has to be something! There just _has to be_ some treatment! We're going to find it, and we'll heal you! I can't lose you too! First Happy, and now you? Please don't give up so easi-"

"Stop, Natsu. Please. This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you. I knew you wouldn't accept it the way it is. Please believe me when I say it's too late for me. The healers all over the world exchange news about any kind of disease on a weekly basis, especially about the life-threatening ones. If there were a cure for my illness, Porlyusica and Wendy would know that! I didn't want to spend the last months of my life desperately searching for a medicine that doesn't exist. I still don't want to. Hell, I was even thinking about making you hate me, lest you feel sad about my death."

Natsu released Gray in favor of being able to look him in the eyes.

"Gray... if you think anything could make me hate you, then you're an even bigger idiot than I thought you were... I love you, and I always will. If you die, I'll mourn you. That isn't something you can change..." He pulled Gray in for a soft, but desperate kiss.

They looked each other in the eyes for a long minute after breaking their kiss, until Natsu couldn't bear it any longer. "How long do you still have?" he asked tentatively.

"Two weeks... four weeks at most."

Natsu rammed his fist against the wall next to their bed so hard that the wallpaper broke and the concrete underneath crumbled. Gray flinched but Natsu was done with being understanding.

"Dammit! When the hell were you going to tell me, you idiot? Did you think I'd appreciate not knowing? Did you think it would make things any _easier_? Well, you were _wrong_!"

With a swift motion, Natsu had Gray on his back, sitting astride his hips, pinning his wrists to the headboard, and kissing him almost violently. Gray welcomed Natsu's demanding tongue, and even moaned into the kiss. The mood had changed from sad to angry and then inexplicably to aggressive sexual tension so quickly, it left Natsu's mind reeling. He was biting at Gray's lips with barely restrained anger, while his free hand was pushing Gray's shirt up. He broke the kiss and latched onto Gray's right nipple as soon as the fabric was out of the way, sucking vigorously.

About two years ago, Gray had mentioned that he'd like to have angry sex, but there had just never been an opportunity. There was never any reason for Natsu to get angry when they were about to have sex, and Gray's little taunts had done nothing but amuse him.

Now he really was angry, and Gray seemed to like it very much, writhing and moaning under his touch. He was needy and rock hard already, Natsu could tell from the way he ground his hips upwards, seeking friction. But he wasn't going to have it the easy way. Natsu plunged his canines into the soft skin of Gray's neck, breaking the skin easily like he had done so many times before during sex. The coppery taste of blood on his tongue was intoxicating, even more so now that he was seeking to inflict a certain level of pain onto his boyfriend as a real punishment, instead of just satisfying Gray's needs. He sucked at the wound a bit to make sure there would also be a hickey later, then went back to sucking his nipples.

He didn't release Gray's wrists, and by now his t-shirt had ridden up to the point that it was covering his eyes, and Natsu let out a feral growl at the idea of Gray being blindfolded. Sharp arousal flooded his being when he ordered Gray to sit up, tugging his t-shirt over his head and preparing it to be used as a blindfold. When Gray noticed what he was up for, he let out a long moan. He obediently leaned into Natsu, who was covering his eyes with his t-shirt and fastened it with two knots on the back of his head.

"I'm going to fucking _devastate_ you," Natsu growled right into Gray's ear. The mewling sound that escaped Gray's mouth was more than satisfying.

Natsu made quick work of Gray's belt, and then tied his wrists to the headboard with it. He fetched the lube from his nightstand, freed Gray from all his clothes in one swift motion, positioned himself between Gray's thighs, and inserted three lubed fingers at once. Gray was so used to being spread open that his ring of muscle relaxed at the first contact, allowing Natsu to bury his fingers deep inside him. Gray didn't have any time to adjust at all; Natsu immediately found his prostate with practiced ease, and rubbed his fingertips against it repeatedly, until Gray was a shuddering and begging mess.

"F- fuck me already, please, ahh!"

"Shut up. You're not in charge here." To prove his point, Natsu shoved his free hand into Gray's mouth, his fingers fighting against Gray's tongue, winning rather spectacularly. He couldn't deny that he, too, was burning up and needed inside his boyfriend rather sooner than later but he wasn't done yet. He pulled back his hand from Gray's mouth, wrapping it around Gray's leaking cock, and started jerking in earnest, while massaging his prostate with the other hand. Natsu knew the signs of Gray being close all too well - the tell-tale tightening of his balls, the hardening of the tip of his cock, the change in his breathing pattern. He knew when to stop moving to ruin his orgasm, and he did exactly that - twice.

Gray groaned in frustration, but refrained from complaining verbally. Gray on his back, legs spread wide, his hands bound to the headboard, all flushed and shivering with need, was really a sight to behold.

"God, you're so sexy. Mmmh. Lift your knees. Yes, like that."

Natsu stripped quickly, coated his dick in lube, and lined it up with Gray's exposed entrance. In a swift motion, he buried himself to the hilt in the warm heat beneath him. He leaned forward, hooking Gray's legs over his shoulders. Gray didn't have any time to adjust; Natsu was already fucking him viciously into the mattress, pushing his body closer towards the headboard with each thrust, until his head bumped against it. Natsu let out a feral growl before lifting Gray's whole body up from the mattress and pounding into him while supporting his whole weight on his arms and thighs. The angle seemed to be perfect for prostate stimulus, if the way Gray moaned uncontrollably was any indication. It was hard holding him up, but Natsu was determined to make Gray come by prostate stimulation only, and this position was apparently the best way to achieve his goal. They'd never done it in this position before, Natsu thought with a pang of regret.

"Listen to those- ah- slutty sounds you make. Hnn, you like this, don't you- ahhh..." Natsu increased his pace, pulling back until only his tip was inside, then slamming back, hitting Gray's sensitive spot every time. Gray was writhing and shouting, his muscles already contracting in that way that indicated he was nearly there. "Come for me, Gray."

He hadn't yet finished saying Gray's name, when the first rope of sticky white fluid landed on Gray's chest, accompanied by muscle contractions, squeezing his cock tightly, and it felt good, but it wasn't quite enough to send him over the edge as well. So when Gray's orgasm had ebbed out, Natsu put him down on the bed again, and thrust into him savagely a few more times, before he, too, came, Gray's name on his lips.

After his orgasm wore out, he slumped down on Gray, waiting for his breath to calm down. The bite on Gray's neck was still bleeding a bit, so Natsu licked at it gently.

"Sorry. Was that too much?"

"If my wrists weren't bound to the headboard, I'd slap you for that question. It was perfect, Idiot."

Natsu saw the corners of Gray's mouth turning up in a content smile. This moment was so pure, so blissful. Natsu wished it could be like this forever, him being with Gray, them having incredibly hot sex, loving each other until they grew old and eventually retreated from their guild, buying a house somewhere together and spending the evenings of their lives there together... Only that it wouldn't be like that, would it?

"Natsu? Could you at least remove my blindfold? I want to see you."

Natsu did as he was told. His mood was rapidly deteriorating after that, despite their shared kisses and cuddles.

Later that night, he tried to talk some sense into Gray, that he shouldn't give up like this, but Gray was stubborn, insisting that he already tried everything.

* * *

The next morning, Natsu went to the guild in the early morning. He told everyone about Gray's sickness and begged them to help him search for a cure. Naturally, they were as supportive (and shocked) as they could be, canceling all their missions and promising him they'd do anything to save Gray's life. Natsu had wanted to help search, but the whole guild had told him to spend as much time with Gray as he could get. They didn't say it out loud, but they didn't want Natsu to regret his decision, being apart from Gray when his life was probably coming to an end. They made him promise to make the best of the time, while they did their best to search for treatment.

Natsu wasn't usually one to laze around and wait for others to finish his job, but in this case, he was grateful for it. Both options had seemed unacceptable to him, either going to find a cure and being apart from Gray since he had made it very clear that he wasn't going to come along, or staying at his side, possibly not finding a cure that he would otherwise have found if he had taken the chance. At least the latter one was the choice Gray would be happy about. Even if it was just for two to four more weeks. Natsu's heart clenched painfully at that.

Lucy was the one to snap him out of his reverie.

"What are you still here for? We'll take care of everything from here on, go spend time with your boy!"

Natsu didn't need to be told twice. In a split second he was out of the guild, running towards their shared flat.

* * *

Gray had started spitting blood three weeks after that. At first **,** it had been a small amount, but growing with each passing day. Porlyusica had very much moved into their flat, since Gray refused to spend his last days in a bed that wasn't theirs.

The Fairy Tail mages hadn't been successful so far. They'd build teams of three to five, following every possible lead they could get, but nothing had worked out. They had brought two healers, who had promised to be able to heal Gray, but they were both just liars who had sensed an opportunity to get rich since their reward was that high. One of them had even tried to steal their jewels as soon as he had noticed that he couldn't heal Gray. The only reason Natsu hadn't killed him for real had been Lucy throwing herself before the thief.

They had even brought Brandish, who had been able to shrink Natsu's tumor during the war - but that had also been in vain. She said that either she'd end up shrinking Gray's vital organs as well, which would've caused immediate death, or the shrinking process of the tumor would've ripped them into pieces, since it was already that intertwined with Gray's organs.

Natsu had tried to keep all his negative feelings in check in order not to ruin Gray's last days with being an angry, frustrated **,** and depressed boyfriend. He'd managed surprisingly well, being positive and supportive towards Gray. They had both rough and tender sex as often as Gray's health had allowed them to.

However, the more Gray's condition deteriorated, the less control Natsu had over his feelings. He was getting _desperate_.

On that day, Lucy, Erza, Wendy, and Carla brought herbs from another continent, which were said to have magic healing powers. Gray was spitting so much blood that he nearly wasn't able to swallow the herbs. When he'd finally managed to gulp them down, the bleeding from his throat stopped immediately.

Natsu's face lit up momentarily, and he was about to pull Gray into a tight hug **,** **-** when Gray signaled him to stop. Porlyusica was at his side in the blink of an eye, touching his abdomen, magically checking on his organs.

"What's going on? Is he healing?" Natsu demanded.

Porlyusica let out a long suffering sigh. "He is indeed healing-"

"For real? Everything's alright now? Gray's gonna live?" Natsu nearly squealed.

Porlyusica ignored him, and continued, "but it's no use since the tumor is already inside his organs. And the herbs can't stop the growth. He'll still die."

Her words sliced through Natsu's gut like an actual sword - at least that was how it felt. He sank to the ground in a shock-like state.

"He won't be spitting blood for a bit, so I suggest you two bid your goodbyes as long as he can still talk."

"How long?" Natsu asked, not really sure himself what exactly he meant.

"About half an hour before he starts spitting - or rather, vomiting - blood again. Maybe another one or two hours until he dies. I'm so sorry."

Natsu felt a hand squeezing his shoulder, probably Erza, but he didn't pay it any attention. Everything except for Gray was slowly fading from his consciousness, until he was no longer aware of even his own movements. At some point he must've stood up from the floor, taken a step forward, and hugged Gray close. Gray's expression was blank. Natsu couldn't even begin to imagine how it must feel to be faced with his own impending death. He felt Gray enfold him in his arms, and suddenly all of Natsu's defenses broke down at once. Tears were streaming down his face like they had never before. He was sobbing loudly, soaking the fabric on Gray's shoulder in no time at all. The fact Gray had started patting his shoulder blades in what was surely meant to be a soothing way didn't help at all. It only made matters worse, reducing Natsu to a completely uncontrolled sobbing, shivering, and desperate mess.

How should he be able to live on without Gray in his life, without his bastion of calm? The one who had helped him get over the loss of his exceed, who had been like a son to him? How was he supposed to get over the death of the only man he'd ever loved?

Natsu clung to Gray's body like a lifeline. He wasn't ready to let go, and he never would be. Imagining a life without Gray in it seemed pointless, not worth living.

After a while, he felt a cold hand on his cheek. He leaned into the touch automatically. Gray was gingerly wiping away his tears, but it was futile. New tears were streaming down the exact same path the moment he moved his fingers onwards. Nevertheless, Natsu tried to blink his vision clear, tried to focus on his boyfriend, who was still alive and in his arms. He shouldn't be wasting the last hours of Gray's life being a crybaby. He had plenty of time to cry after - _'after... after Gray's... No. Snap out of it. Don't think about that now. He's here. He's still here. With me.'_

Natsu inhaled deeply, and then lifted his head from Gray's shoulder to look him in the eyes, his hands cradling his skull. Gray's eyes were warm and full of affection. He didn't look at all like somebody who was supposed to die in less than two hours. Although he had to admit to himself that he didn't know how somebody was supposed to look like in this kind of situation.

"Gray... I..." he bit his bottom lip, fighting back the tears. "I... will always love you."

Gray smiled at him. Genuinely _smiled_ at him. There was not a trace of sadness in his features.

"I know, idiot." Gray's smile grew even wider. Comfortable warmth that had no business existing in such a situation settled inside his gut. "I've never told you this, but... I was prepared to die during the war with Alvarez. I would've died with the regret of not having told you how I felt for you. When the war was over, you were so lost and broken due to Happy's death, and I was glad I could help you find happiness again. I had the chance to confess my feelings more often than I could've ever hoped for. I could spend such a great time with you. I don't have a single regret anymore now. I would've liked to have more time with you, to marry you, and grow old with you... But it's okay. I can rest in peace now. Five years with you is more than I had ever let myself wish for."

Natsu's vision had started to become blurry again, but there was just no helping it. Gray was bidding him farewell and he _couldn't stand it_. Instead of giving into tears once more, he leaned in to capture Gray's lips in a desperate kiss. He knew he wouldn't be able to say anything that came even close to what Gray had just done - there was a giant lump in his throat. So he just put everything he was feeling in their kiss, all his desperation and love, his pain and heartache. Gray willingly accepted all of it, and returned tenderness, encouragement, and unconditional love.

Natsu wasn't ready when he tasted fresh blood on his tongue again. He wasn't ready for all the people filing into the room again upon hearing Gray's retching sounds. He wasn't ready for the sight of Gray violently vomiting blood into a bucket. He wasn't ready for Gray's last smile directed at him, his face covered in too much blood. He wasn't ready for Gray's body lying lifeless in his bed, holding his hand even in death.

He wasn't ready for losing his reason to live.

* * *

 **I hope I could convey the emotional roller coaster okay-ish... Please tell me what you think!**


End file.
